A ride in the Guagua (by Beenie Girl)

Ok so based on my track record, I should have guessed that this would happen because somehow the first time I take a bus in any foreign country is usually very eventful – The first time I took a bus in Guyana (well that was more like a maxi) I almost cried because the conductor was shouting at me to “draw round and make room” and I was thinking “Room where?” The first time I took the bus in London I was on the wrong side of the road, so I took right number of bus but I was on an Eastbound 176 instead of a Westbound one. Needless to say instead of ending up on Oxford Street I was looking out the window wondering: “Why am I seeing children playing in fields?” So on Saturday I took a bus for the first time here and history repeated itself. Now let me first of all explain how I got on this bus and the frame of mind I was in when I arrived on this bus.
My mom and I went to a kind of trade fair with another woman who works at our Embassy (we will call her ‘Missy’ for today). It was nice to get out for a change and I bought some gorgeous wooden sculptures and other stuff. While we were at the fair we got an emergency call to go back to the office to sort something out. Unfortunately by then we could not get a hold of the Embassy driver so we had to find some public transport. We walked for a few minutes looking for a taxi but to no avail. We tried stopping private cars on the way and all but by Cuban law, a Cuban without a taxi-license is not allowed to give a foreigner a ride with them in their car. Not even when it is your best friend. If the police stops you, the driver gets a fine and you have to out of the car, even when it is in the middle of no-where. So apparently not many people were feeling like taking the risk that day, so ‘hopping a drop’ or hitch hiking was out of the question.
Eventually Missy gets an idea that we should try and get a bus, since the bus stop is QUOTE “Right down the road, not far from here” END QUOTE Of course we walked and walked and walked some more and somehow this bus stop kept moving further away. While we were walking we were getting the brief on taking the bus in Cuba. The bus we were goin to take, Missy explained, is for Cubans and so we are supposed to get on the bus quickly and stay very quiet so no one would know we were not Cuban (as if I look Cuban!) I mean I am sure there are all kinds of Cuban people, but I am sure the Cubans are smart enough to know who not from here, especially as I now come off the boat so to speak. Now, buses are a popular means of transport in Cuba and are especially crowded on weekends and public holidays. The first thing one might notice about these buses is that many of them are quite old because the blockade has made it difficult to purchase new buses. There are two national bus operators in Cuba. The national bus company in Cuba is the larger of the two and designed to cater primarily for Cubans, while another smaller bus company serves tourists. Cuban nationals pay for their bus rides in the local Cuban pesos, while foreigners are supposed to either rent a car, take a taxi, or use the other special bus company and they will pay in dollars or Convertible pesos (CUC). I think I read somewhere that the some of the regular buses in Cuba have some seats reserved for foreigners who pay in dollars or CUC. However not everybody in Cuba is authorized to receive payment in dollars or CUC, so imagine if you go to a particular bus terminal and they don’t have a special office to collect the CUC or the bus driver does not receive CUC then you in trouble, no bus ride fuh you.
Now if any of you know me and know how much I DETEST walking for any long period of time, you will know that I agreed to this fanciful plan only because by then I was sooo tired of walking and walking, I would ride a burro back to the Embassy at this point. So with Cuban pesos in hand we approach the bus stop. So I am saying “I am sure they will figure me out right away, it’s not like I can blend in any kind of crowd first of all because I am gigantic.” My mother is muttering to herself “They bound to figure me out in my fancy Ted Arthur leather slippers, who wearing slippers like this here? Eh? WHO?” So we stop talking a few feet from the bus stop, because remember the idea is to stay quiet and BLEND IN. Of course I find this makes us stand out more cause people are all chatting with people next to them and the three of us standing up together but completely silent. The bus arrives and according to plan we jus go in with the crowd of people, drop in our pesos happily and move speedily to the back of the bus. So I am not even looking and Missy and my mom so at least if someone catches me we still have someone to call the Embassy and to tell to the reporters what really happened.
After a few stops the bus was packed or for want of a better phrase – RAM CRAM. Imagine the bus driver was trying to close the front door and bodies were preventing de door from closing and of course they not getting off eh, because they insist on going home in THIS bus. Well I see some people by the door kinda tip toe, and the door jus pop in. Of course I am thinkin ok, when that door opens again those people going to pop of that step and fall on the sidewalk. But that was the least of my worries at that point. We were near the back of the bus which was slightly less crowded than the front and to make it better we were near a door so we did not have to think how we were going to maneuvering through all those bodies to leave the bus.
Well there is no bell on the bus, the bus driver is supposed to stop at every stop. The man stops out our stop and I thought “fabulous we made it unscathed.” Like I said we were near a door which up until that point opened each time the bus stopped. However, now we were at our stop and Mr. Bus Driver on a whim decides not to open that back door - talk about instant panic! I start thinking Lord, this is it, this is our punishment for not paying CUC, for sneaking on the bus, Look I getting carried away in this bus. My mother’s face was like “Look what they get me into now?” Missy started banging on the door shouting: “Chofer! Chofer!” Just as Mr. Bus Driver about to drive off, some man nearby like he feel sorry for us, he shouted someting in Spanish and then u see the bus driver jus wave and open the door. I jump off that bus so fast! The only time I ever left a bus faster than that was when I fell off the back of one of those open back Routemaster buses in London, but that is another bus story…