Dealing with the Reality thats ME (by Sylph)

Since I received my letter of transfer, my life spiralled into a state of confusion, as a very big part of me wanted to turn it down, while a thinny whinny part was encouraging me to embrace the new experience, things can alone go up hill from there. Well, as we are all know, I embraced and I am still embracing, however during this embrace there has been a silent struggle to find my own, as well as my true passion in life and more importantly the reason I was sent to Nigeria.

The last two months of 2008 was a eye-opener and a test of time. One in which I struggled to comes to terms with my new reality, struggled to come to terms with the time difference, with the difference in culture, at time the language barrier, my true purpose in life, why I was in Nigeria...... The struggle was on..... But slowly I have come to realise that during the course of my never ending struggles, my eyes were becoming wide open to the harsh reality of my life.

A life, which to some might be well accomplished, to me seemed under-utilised and unfulfilled. At times I almost felt as though I was living someone else's dreams and looking on through a glass window. But gradually I have come to realise and accept that everything in life happens for a reason and nothing takes place before its time. I suffer from a clear case of impatience, have always had. So all through my life I was determined to make things happen. I was never the type to sit around a wait or worst yet to ask for assistance. I believed in getting things done and getting it done my way. But now that I am thrown into a situation where I am often reliant on others, whether it be for information, guidance or direction and I find myself becoming increasingly withdrawn. I have withdrawn into my little cocoon, where very few persons know how to reach me. A cocoon where I feel safe and I am generally unresponsive, where no questions are asked and I am in control my destination. However, its that very place that no one understands.... But in that place I struggle to find ME..... Because right now I am most certainly lost, struggling to find my way and deal with the reality that's ME.....